Not really sure how I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I feel a kind of peace inside. Looking back it's all happened so quickly. I'm trying to focus on the good times we had rather than the plans we'd made. I'm keeping watch on my younger brother, he's all alone now and has threatened to end it all. I went yesterday and stripped the house of pills (and there were loads because all mum's meds were there). I left him with his bottle of Jack Daniels, It may help a little short term.
Spoke to my older brother today and he was all business like, getting the funeral plans in order and stuff. Good job he's doing it, I couldn't. He's asked me to write something for the vicar to say. That will be hard.
For past couple of weeks all I've done is waited for that call to say that mum had gone, now she has I've stopped feeling so jittery and have a sense of calm. I still see her lying on the bed in the hospice. But that is not how I want to remember her so I'm hoping that image will fade in time, I have plenty of other memories to call upon.
I think the worst thing at the moment is the desperate need I have to talk to her. I just so want to pick up the phone and chat.
3 comments:
Anne - xxxx
You're doing so well my lovely, you really are. Baby steps!!
If you feel the need to still talk to your mum then you should. Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed, focus her face in your mind or look at a favourite picture and just go for it.
When my dad died I never even knew he was ill and had no contact with him for over a year before his passing. Obviously I never had the chance to say any of the things I wanted before he died and felt a bit robbed tbh. One day when it all got too much I got his photo' out, sat down and just let it all go - told him everything I wish I'd said, angry stuff, happy stuff, loving stuff - just everything. It was a huge relief and I still talk to him now in a more general way as I go about my day or when I'm driving. I'm sure he can hear me.
Be kind to yourself - there are no rules to bereavement really. Do what you need to.
with love
Sharon xx
(((Anne)))
Still thinking of you.
I agree with sharon, I still talk to my dad, out load if alone to his pic or just in my head to him, it helps.
I remember that feeling of calm all the stress and jitters of the waiting for it to happen going, its normal to.
Take care, its early days. Always here is you need anything. xx
Anne, thinking of you.
Just to assure you those images will fade in time .... Funeral plans are difficult, but it can help to keep busy. Preparing something for the vicar will be hard, but will bring some lovely memories with it.
Take care of yourself Anne
Alexandra x
Post a Comment