Friday, 13 September 2013


This moving malarky is driving me nuts! No wonder it's one of the most stressful things you ever do, give me a divorce any day I can handle that!

I thought things were in place, I'd found a van to hire and Graham said he'd asked his uncle to drive it. Then he calls him and finds out he's lost his driving licence...on a bus! Apparently this happened a while ago, so Graham obviously hadn't asked him about driving our van, he'd just assumed he would. So now we need a van driver.

Also, when we first heard about the house we applied for a budgeting loan to help with the cost of moving. After a month we hadn't heard anything so I got on to G to phone them, it took four days of nagging (I couldn't call, it has to be in his name) then he called and found out they hadn't received the application. So we applied again and still we haven't heard and every day this week I've asked him to call and he still hasn't. So now we don't have any money to help us out. It's ok he said, I've asked my dad to lend us some and he said he'd bring it down tomorrow. Then his dad phoned and Gray asked about the money and they ended up arguing. Obviously the 'asked my Dad and it's all sorted' was all bull shit too.

I don't know if it's the stress, the thought of getting everything ready for the move,  or finding a driver and money with only a few days to spare but tonight I feel as though I've had enough. I don't want to move anymore. I feel safe here. I know everyone here. I don't want to move to an area I don't know and live among strangers. I don't want to start all over again. I want to be safe and comfortable. Now I know exactly how Cassie feels because she doesn't want to move either. The people around here know Craige and are used to him, how will strangers react, what if he gets bullied or threatened? How will Lucy and Leila cope with new schools? Will I ever find them a school? Even Joseph is scaring me, he gets more like Lucy and Craige every day. We are safe here, we have friends people who know us, who are kind to us. I'm so scared. Who needs a big new house. I can stay here, I would stay here in just one room rather than face the unknown. Can I change my mind?

Sunday, 8 September 2013

Well it's September Already!

We had  our break in Blackpool. It would have been better had Lucy been better. We had to give the Pleasure Beach a miss which upset Gray. We also had a couple of meltdowns off Lucy due to her not feeling good and not coping well with the journey.
The journey home was a nightmare, we couldn't get seats together and I had a migraine. At least the kids were well behaved.
So Lucy is still in her collar and has shown no improvement at all. It's been five weeks now, still early days I suppose. We were given a different collar with the promise that it would correct the position of her neck. It doesn't, she just flops out of it and is in so much pain when she puts it on. We are still doing physio five times every day.

Yesterday I was cooking dinner and Gray had taken the kids to his mum's house, two doors away. I heard Lucy scream and start crying and I was out of the house and over the gardens (yes, I didn't realise I could jump those fences either!) and happy to find out that she'd just been smashed on the back of the head with a spoon by the little monster. I know, she was hurting and all I could think of was thank goodness nothing happened to her neck. Once I'd calmed her down Gray and his mum wandered out of her house wondering why I was in the garden. So that's how they look after my children when they go around there. They hadn't heard her screams, yet I had two doors away in my kitchen with the radio and the washing machine on. Lucy was ok, that's the main thing.

We've been to see our new house and it's lovely. Cassie is in a bit of a flap about moving, she's lived her all her life. I thought Craige would be too but he's taking it in his stride. In fact he's almost finished packing up his bedroom ready to go. We move in on 16th September!
The stress is getting to me already, but I really can't wait.