Pain

The one thing I really can't bear is seeing my mum in pain. I would do anything to take away her pain, she should not have to suffer like this.
Today I had just over an hour alone with her, but like yesterday she wasn't too responsive. She only became animated when she needed the tiolet. I fetched the nurse and waited outside while they took her to the commode.
When I went back in she was in so much pain. I think it really hurts her to be moved. And it hurt her to go to the tiolet. I felt so useless, but then I always feel useless.
When my brother turned up he was really upset because she hadn't come around since yesterday. Maybe he's beginning to realise that she's not going to get better. It's a long story, I don't have a good relationship with my brother. He ruined my life and my families life, and he was the reason I didn't see my mum for 5 years. (her choice not mine) But now i find myself worrying about him. He doesn't have anyone or anything but mum. (He quit his job last week) He can't seem to accept that this dreadful disease is going to take her away from us. It doesn't help much having this extra emotion to deal with. If I was a stronger person it wouldn't bother me, I wouldn't care. Maybe it's because mum cared about him so much, I don't know.
then there is my older brother who was also estranged from mum because of our little brother (very similar reasons, exactly the same time.) He has not really had much to do with mum for 9 years now. The only times he has seen her were last April when she was in hospital seriously ill, and last week. He's made his peace with her in his own way, but it's a shame they never really made up. It would never have happened though.
My middle brother is a lot stronger than I remember. He has stuck with mum all the way through because he was not directly involved. He was fed a load of lies at first about all that had happened, and when he found out the truth it nearly broke him, but he carried on and stuck by mum. The strange thing is he seems to hate our little brother more than anyone. It feels weird writing this down, it's not something I normally talk about.

Another thing I have to deal with is Cassie. She's been really down the past few days, in fact I remember when she used to be like this all the time so it proves that the medication works. It makes me worry about when she has to come off it. She can't stay on it forever, the gp already told us that. She's planning on leaving home next year, I can imagine I'm going to do nothing but worry about her.