It's true, my mum is all I ever think about. I do try to think about other stuff but it's always there in the back of my mind, or right at the front of my mind. During the day I can be rational, it's the night time that's the worst, it's so much harder to be rational at night. I decided that it's much better to focus on the good times we've had together and think of them as happy memories, but often I'm just thinking about the plans we'd made and how much I'm going to miss making more happy memories.
I burst into tears tonight because they advertised Strictly Come Dancing final on tv. I can't believe that it was only last Saturday that I sat with my mum at home watching it on tv.
I do find writing all this down helpful. I want to remember it all, not so much the bad stuff but it helps just to let it all out.
Mum was okish today again. I could see she was in pain which makes me feel useless and sad, but at least she was able to talk to me again. She got distressed when she wet the bed, I feel bad sharing that, but if I'm keeping this honest I have to put it down. I got her help from the nurses and when they'd finished she suddenly became much more relaxed and peaceful which was nice. She even let me go today without a fuss, she said she needed a nap anyway.
2 comments:
Dear Anne
I think it's very therapeutic to write your feelings down; it will help you now and in the future and I think you will look back with such gladness that your mum knew how surrounded she was with love.
You know you can share anything we us, don't ever feel bad.
((((Hugs)))) to you and your lovely mum xx
Liz xxxx
Anne, Im sorry not much time this morning but I couldnt not comment. Wishing you strength at this difficult time. Its very natural to be completely obsessed by thoughts of your Mum - and to be honest I think its right. The girls will be fine, get as much help with them as you can, and concnetrate on your Mum and yourself.
Thinking of you
Alexandra
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