I'm feeling really low tonight. I've been to see mum twice today in the hospice. The second time to take Cassie as she needed to make peace with her nan, I thought that was so brave of her.
I just cant' stop thinking about how quickly this is all happening. On Saturday we were talking about our plans for christmas, and I gave her a catalogue from Iceland to make a list of the christmas goodies she wanted me to shop for her. She gave me one of her automated Santa's, she knew exactly where it was in the bedroom.
Then on Sunday she just went down hill so quickly. I was talking to her one minute, I helped her move up the bed because she'd slipped and we had a cuddle. She touched my face and said Goodbye Anne, I love you. I said I'm not going anywhere yet, I'm just going to put your dinner on.
I went into the kitchen but Graham was already sorting the dinner so I went back to her and she was asleep. That was it, she never really woke up properly.
I tried to wake her when her dinner was ready but I couldn't. My brother came back home and he said she was like that after a sleep and she would come around. The next day she was still the same and it's been the same since.
She wakes up but her eyes are glazed. She speaks but she doesn't make sense 90% of the time. It's just too much to bear. We only found out last week that she had cancer and now it's taking her so quickly.
I wish I could help her, I wish I could just talk to her, more than anything I wish she could talk to me. I can't bear this.
6 comments:
Anne my lovely - big hugs for you xx.
Just too hard huh?? So difficult and so many emotions. Even though your mum can't speak much keep talking to her when you're there, it'll bring her great comfort. You're in my thoughts every day and I'm lighting candles every day for you both.
Hug those little girls tight and take good care of yourself. I hope your feeling better after your bug too??
with much love
Sharon xx
I wish there was something I could do to help you during this terribly sad time Anne.
Do keep talking to your lovely mum; I'm sure she will be able to hear you. Kiss her, give her gentle hugs and hold her hand - all these are things that I'm sure she will find comforting during these days. She will know that she is surrounded by love and that is the one thing that will remain with her at all times.
I'm thinking of you all constantly at this time and praying that everthing happens as gently as possible.
With my love to you
Liz H xx
Anne
((hugs))
Your mum may not show it but she knows you are there, and she knows you love her,
keep letting her know how much she means to you. Im so glad cassie has made her peace It will help!
thinking of you at such a difficult time you are both in my prayers
you know where we all are if you need to talk x
take care of yourself and have special cuddles with your girls.
love Ann
sorry its coming up with my freecycle id
I'm so sorry, Anne - but at least it seems to be gentle for her.
Keep talking to her - say all the things you want and need to say, and the love in your voice will reach her, wherever she is.
Love Mel xxx.
Anne so sorry to read how tough things are ... thinking of you
Shan xx
Anne,
I wish there was more I could do to bring you comfort at this difficult time. I agree with Sharon and Liz that you should keep talking to your mum, it will bring you great comfort too and she can hear you, even if she can't respond as she would like.
With much love and hugs,
Janice
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