Saturday, 28 November 2009


I was reading another blog the other day and for the first time I realised the importance of the approaching new decade. This other blogger was already making plans to mark the start of this new era and I've been thinking that I'd like to do something too, I've not thought of what yet though.
Why is it so important to me? Well, this last decade has been the worst of my life, and it started 1st January 2000. That's when my life as I knew it fell to pieces and what followed was 2 very miserable years. Everything I knew changed and my kids suffered too. I had a few close friends and family that were really there for me and for that I will always be grateful. Things did get a little better towards the middle of the decade but then I had the tragedy of losing my mum last year, and my brother this year (although it was only a week later.) So the decade began and ended badly and I really will be glad to see the back of it.

Of course it has not been all bad though. I met Graham (yes, I'm counting that as good) and we have had some really good times together. He helped to bring my kids around and make their lives happier too. Also, even though I suffered two years of thinking I would never have any more children I went on to have my two lovely girls. It doesn't seem right thinking they came along in the worst decade of my life, but you always have to have good with the bad, and they are my two shining lights in a decade of darkness.

Things have changed so much now and even though I'm still sad I know that the future can be brighter. I will endeavor to make the next decade the best ever. It's up to me really and I'm determined to do all the things I've always wanted to do but never had the opportunity. I'll never have my mum back but I have to move past that and know that she is at peace and I have to learn to live with my loss. She never wanted me to spend the rest of her life with me nursing her so I'm sure she wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life mourning her either. I need to stop being so selfish.

So what am I going to do to mark the next decade.....the best decade of my life?

Monday, 23 November 2009

I went to a gig!

A few weeks ago an old friend of mine told me she had a spare ticket going for a Kasabian gig and would I like to go. Bit of a stupid question really as I'm a Kasabian fan and had already being looking at tickets but with Graham being out of work we couldn't really afford it. My friend told me she was paying for the ticket as a birthday present :-)
Well, last Thursday was the night and I was really excited. The beginning of the week I'd been ill and I was worried that I wouldn't be well enough to go. I'm guessing my utter determination at not to miss the gig was a big factor in my getting better on time.
Now, I don't go to many gigs, mainly because I'm not good in crowds. I freak out if I get touched by a stranger, and if your in a big crowd that's more likely to happen. I know, I know, I'm strange, but I like my personal space. Luckily my friend likes her space too and was not disappointed that I didn't want to rush to the front near the strange and me squashed in the throng of drunken revellers. Instead we decided to head down the side where I'd spotted a gap. And it was a great gap, right in front of the security barrier so no-one was going to shove past us to get nearer, and surprisingly near to the stage even if just to left, the view was great (well, it was probably a bit better for me as I'm pretty tall.) We even had enough room to dance.
Kasabian were brilliant, they are definitely a live act to see. Pure entertainment. I loved every minute. They finished off with LSF (lost Souls Forever) which has a catchy little la la la at the end which went on and on by the audience both in the auditorium and outside and all the way up the canal back into town.
I had a great night and would definitely go and see them again. I kept waking during the night and the music was still playing in my head. Of course I had the obligatory headache the next day but it was well worth it.

BTW Graham has a job now :-)

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Lucy's Legs

Lucy gets this pain in her knees that keeps her awake and night and makes her scream and cry. It started around 18 months ago and hasn't got any better. It's not every night but usually when she's had a more active day. She only gets it in one knee at a time and it's usually the left, but she gets it in the right knee too. Lately, she's not good at walking any distance. Right from when she could walk she has wanted out of the pushchair and walked for ages without complaint. I bought a double pushchair when Leila was born but Lucy barely went in it. But now, we only need to be walking for about five minutes before she starts complaining that her knee hurts or she's too tired to walk. Going anywhere with her is becoming a nightmare.

A few months ago I mentioned it to her GP. He looked at her knees but couldn't feel anything. He said she was too young for growing pains but he believed she'd just grow out of the pain. Last week I took her back because it wasn't getting any better and he sent her to the hospital for an xray. The xray came back clear and the Dr. doesn't know what's happening so he's referring her to an orthopaedic specialist. He said it's probably nothing and it would stop eventually.

I'm trying not to be worried. There is no obvious reason for the pain so maybe it will just pass. If it was in her leg rather than her knee I'd put it down to cramp. Maybe it's all psychological, she does it for attention. It's a possibility I suppose, but Lucy is definitely not lacking in attention either, so I can't understand why she would fake pain for more. It's strange how it always starts around tea time and carries on through the night. I'm going to keep a log of the pain and what she's been doing in the day she gets it. And fingers crossed the orthopaedic Dr will have some answers.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009


This is an article I wrote for the website Helium. It rates in at no. 1 for the topic, and has never left that spot since I submitted it, so I'm thinking that those that have read it seem to think it's good to rate it top.

What to Do When You Find Your Partner Has Been Cheating.

One of the most painful experiences we can go through in life is finding out that the person we love has been cheating. So what do we do next? First you need to forgive them. Now, I don't mean immediately take them back and say all is forgiven, you don't need to stay with them, you don't need to tell them, but if you don't forgive them you will live with a bitterness that will stay with you forever, and through all your future relationships. So even though it hurts, take your time and find it in your heart to forgive. We are only human and we all make mistakes.

You will need your friends and family around you, you need support and you need to talk. It will be difficult to talk about at times, but it's best to get it all out. If you are willing you can even talk to your partner. Of course at first you will probably be in the mood to strangle them, but talking to them about what they did and why can help you to move forward, and that is your goal.

Next you need to decided whether there is a future for your relationship. Are they remorseful? Do they promise it will never happen again? Do they swear it meant nothing? Do you believe them? If you don't believe them and you have the slightest doubt then your relationship will suffer and may not work again. Sometimes relationships can be improved after infidelity, but only if both partners are utterly and completely honest with each other.

Have they left you for someone else? Then this is the time when friends and family are most important. This hurts so bad but you have to be strong. You need to keep reminding yourself of all the good things in your life and realize that this relationship was not good. You will get through it, and one day it won't hurt so bad, and you will be a better and stronger person having been through such a dreadful experience.

At all times you should try to retain your dignity. Revenge may be sweet, but often it's more bittersweet and the feeling lasts longer than any pain from the cheating. Begging and pleading with your partner to return is also a very bad idea. It will not make you happy even if they do come back, because it's not what they want.

Finally, remember it's your heart and your life and it's up to you to decide what you want to do next. Well meaning people will be on hand with lots of advice, listen, but stay true to yourself and don't do something just because it's what someone else thinks it is best for you.

sometimes your own advice is the hardest to take