Although I'm not feeling happy. I feel a real grump today. My girls have been really poorly and yesterday I felt rough too. So even though I tried to stay up and even managed a glass of wine I didnt' make it past 10pm. Lucy barely slept at all so we just cuddled together in my bed. We did have a giggle at all the drunken party goers taking to the streets at midnight doing the conga. The fireworks were loud but Lucy was fine and they didn't even wake Leila. Then at 1am I had a call from Cassie who'd gone to town and wanted me to pick her up. No chance, my head was spinning, my car was frozen and there was no chance I was getting out of bed. So I had to fork out £20 for a taxi for her. Then she and Graham got drunk and made loads of noise until 4am. I was glad they enjoyed themselves but couldn't even muster the energy to feel jealous, I just wanted to sleep.
Tomorrow it is mum's birthday. It feels strange after weeks of wondering what I could get her. I can't even buy flowers for her grave as she's not buried yet? I haven't been to see her at the chapel. I said I didn't want to, I feel I've said my goodbye's, but the longing to see her just one more time is overpowering. I just want to see her alive though, I want to talk to her.
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