Sunny Sunday

So sunny today that I dried a load of washing out on the line. At first I felt chuffed that I'd got through five loads of washing, but the excitement wore off as the ironing pile reached the level of Kilimanjaro.
The girls are still not well, sometimes they seem ok and other times they both look so poorly. Neither of them are sleeping well and I've reached that zombie remote control state again. This morning, sorry, this afternoon when Graham got up I said that I wanted a lie in next Sunday, you should have seen his face! He even demanded why? Why? Well, maybe because I don't remember the last time I had a lie in, I think I have had one in the last 3 years but I can't remember when it was. I haven't had a decent nights sleep in god knows how long, I'm like a zombie and don't know half the time what I'm doing, I'm also getting incredibly upset or angry or even both at the slightest thing. Did I tell him that? No, I said, it's mother's day and that's all I'm asking for.
The last couple of days I've been feeling sad over Sim. I know I didn't have much to do with him the last few years but I can't stop thinking of what he did, how he must have felt to do such a thing. I mean you really have to want to die to hang yourself don't you? It's not a cry for help. I saw a guy while we were out yesterday, I was waiting in the queue at Greggs. He was about the same age as Sim and looked a little bit like him, wore the same kind of clothing. It was all I could do not to cry, it was a long queue and I would have felt pretty stupid standing there blubbing. Then I was thinking of mum in the hospital pointing out that me and Sim were both wearing white shoes. I gave his shoes away, they were expensive Nike trainers and he'd only just bought them. I gave them away. I don't know why that upsets me now, I'm sure the new owner is very pleased with them.

Just to make sure that life doesn't run smoothly the next episode is going to be the health of Graham's dad. He's an alcoholic and despite being hospitalised three times in the last year and knowing that if he doesn't stop drinking he will die, he's still drinking and it looks like he's not going to stop. In fact if I'm truly honest, it looks like it's too late already. It's hurting Graham so much and it's going to hit him so hard if his dad dies. So once again it's dark times ahead.