I think I've coped fairly well this Christmas. The sadness has been there but I've also learnt to accept that there is nothing I can do to change that and the pain seems easier to bear. Today would have been mum's birthday, the year she died she hadn't even been buried and that was really hard. I remember I had one of my horrible migraines that day too and I was unable to drive to visit my brother who was very depressed. I kept in touch with him all day by mobile and told him I'd be up to see him the next day. His last text to me was ' I miss mum' I texted back to say that I did too and I'll see him tomorrow, but I never did. He chose to take his life before I arrived.
I have found Eastenders really difficult this New Year too, I knew that Pat was going to die but I hadn't read any spoilers and thought she would be going out with an heart attack. Then she got the diagnosis of terminal cancer. The scene in the hospital where the consultant told her diagnosis and prognosis was almost identical to what happened to mum. The first reaction everyone has to cancer is to fight it, there is so much that can be done these days and you hear of people beating cancer all the time. That's why it's so shocking to hear the words 'terminal' Yes, in some cases treatment can prolong life, but sometimes there is just nothing to be done, and when the cancer is that far advanced there is no fight and death comes quickly. The scenes that upset me the most where the ones where Pat decided to come home from hospital. To go home to die. Taking someone home from hospital to die is the most surreal experience and one I will never ever forget.
I haven't read anything but I'm thinking a lot of people will criticise Eastenders and the way they handled the storyline, but in drawing on my experience I think they did it very well. I do wish the program wasn't so darn depressing all the time though.
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