Six months ago today I lost my mum, just a couple of weeks after finding out she had terminal cancer. It’s been a tough six months, I’ve found it really hard coming to terms with losing her. I’d like to say that it’s got better with time but I can’t, all I can say is that it is not as bad all of the time. I have now accepted that she has gone and that my life has to continue.
I am trying not to think about how I am going to feel in six months time on the anniversary of her death. It will be Christmas day and I’ve always loved Christmas, now I fear that I cannot enjoy the festivities because I will just be thinking of last year. I’ve always planned well in advance for holiday, by now even I’d be half way through saving for all the food and decorations. I like to get all the preparations in place by October at the latest. This year I just don’t know how I will do it, how will even summon the interest. How can I celebrate the day my mum died? I have been thinking that maybe if I did something special in her memory on the day, then I could carry on with the rest of Christmas as normal? I’ve not thought of what I could do yet though.
I was looking through some photo’s last night and I found one of me and mum taken when we last went on holiday together, 1999. Leila saw it and recognised her nanny which made me happy. I don’t know how long she will remember her for though. I wanted to scan the photo and put it on here but my printer/scanner is playing up.
I still miss mum terribly, I would give anything to talk with her, take her out, even listen to her ramble on about her favourite soaps (which I never watched). If there is anything after life then I hope that she is now happy, but the only thing I can be sure of is that at least now she has no pain, that's just left for me.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry for your loss.
The first birthday, Christmas etc. after you have lost someone close, those days are difficult, but to lose your Mum on Christmas Day, that is so sad.
Life will never be the same again, but life goes on.
Just a suggestion, could you do something very different on Christmas Day? Go on holiday perhaps? Volunteer at a care home?
I hope you can find some way to celebrate her life as well as celebrating Christmas. x
My condolences on your loss. My friend Groupie also lost her mother to cancer in 2007. My mum told her at the time that it's something you never totally get over, but you do come to terms with it eventually and I'm sure you will too.
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