My little darlings are all better but now mummy is sick :(
It's only a cold but I am feeling sorry for myself. It looks like I am doomed to never sleep through the night ever again.
Lucy went back to nursery today, bless her she was so excited. She only has a week and then it's two weeks off. I'm going to plan lots of 'cheap' activites for the holidays, I really don't want to be stuck around here.
Monday, 30 March 2009
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Something Lighter
When Lucy, 3yrs, has finished dinner she takes her plate, empties the leftovers in the bin and puts it in the sink.
When Leila, 20 months, finishes dinner she empties her leftovers on the table and throws her plate in the bin ~(or sometimes the sink)
When Leila, 20 months, finishes dinner she empties her leftovers on the table and throws her plate in the bin ~(or sometimes the sink)
Friday, 27 March 2009
Poorly Kids on the Mend
It's not been a good week. I took the girls to the dr on Monday who said they had bronchitis. Ahh so that's why they were coughing all night long. So sleep has been scarce and the girls have been housebound and miserable, and I've been pretty miserable too.
Today was a little better though. I managed to get some sleep last night, albiet with the little one in bed with me all night. They were much brighter today so I decided to take them to playgroup for an hour. They really loved it and came home covered in paint and soaking wet!
I'm hoping that maybe they will sleep again tonight and I can start functioning properly (as if I ever did in the first place!)
This weekend Graham has promised to sort out the toy room for me. I won't hold my breath as the promise has been standing since December, but fingers crossed. If he doesn't then I might just cart the kids off to their nan's and do it myself. There's nothing I can't manage myself, I lived without a man for 7 years so I can do most things, it's just not easy doing anything with two demanding toddlers under your feet.
Anyway, eitherway, on Monday I'm going to report that toy room is finished, painted carpeted and toys put away. Watch this space!
P.s. I've been tweeking my blog, adding this and that. I was going to change the skin but couldn't find one I liked better than this sickly salmon pink. I 'll ask the big daughter if she can do anything about it.
Today was a little better though. I managed to get some sleep last night, albiet with the little one in bed with me all night. They were much brighter today so I decided to take them to playgroup for an hour. They really loved it and came home covered in paint and soaking wet!
I'm hoping that maybe they will sleep again tonight and I can start functioning properly (as if I ever did in the first place!)
This weekend Graham has promised to sort out the toy room for me. I won't hold my breath as the promise has been standing since December, but fingers crossed. If he doesn't then I might just cart the kids off to their nan's and do it myself. There's nothing I can't manage myself, I lived without a man for 7 years so I can do most things, it's just not easy doing anything with two demanding toddlers under your feet.
Anyway, eitherway, on Monday I'm going to report that toy room is finished, painted carpeted and toys put away. Watch this space!
P.s. I've been tweeking my blog, adding this and that. I was going to change the skin but couldn't find one I liked better than this sickly salmon pink. I 'll ask the big daughter if she can do anything about it.
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Mothers Day
Today has not been a good day for lots of reasons, but mostly because my mum is not here. I miss her so much there are no words strong enough to explain the pain. I took some flowers to the cemetery and saw her grave stone complete with engraving for the first time. It makes it more real now, I have to accept that she's gone.
As for the rest of my day, well to be honest I'd rather not say. There was a lot of crap and some nice bits but now none of it seems to matter. I had time out today. I took the girls to the woods and we had a walk around. Not quite as warm as it has been lately, but still nice enough. Sadly we found a dead badger which frightened Lucy, but it also made me realise that she doesn't understand death. She still thought it would bite her even though I'd told her it was dead and it was not moving at all.
I've just been reading Cassie's Live Journal, (yes she knows, she had to add me as a friend, but if there is anything she doesn't want me to see she only has to tick a box) Strange it may seem but it's a good way to communicate, you can be a lot more honest and open when writing things down. (Any blogger would know that) I do talk to Cassie, some days she's more open to talking than others but she knows she can talk to me anytime. Anyway, I digress, back to the LJ entry, she said some really nice things about me and made me see that she does appreciate all that I do for her. She did a little tribute to me as it was Mothers Day.
I know that Craige cares too, I've had 3 hugs today!!
To me Mothers Day is about showing your mother how much you care and you don't need to buy gifts or cards or flowers for that.
I think a lot of mum's feel under-appreciated anyway, it can be a pretty thankless job. So when a day comes along that is meant to celebrate mums, it's easy to get upset when you are not showered with nice things, or have things done for you. It's even harder to bear when you hear of other mums getting gifts, going out for a meal, having everything done for them while they put their feet up etc. But in reality it's just one day a year, tomorrow it won't matter.
So, tomorrow is another day. Another day I have to go on without my mum and another day I have to continue my thankless day as a hard working mother. But another day I have to enjoy the delights that my children bring into my life continuously.
So roll on tomorrow, it'll probably feel like a long time coming as my precious ones keep me awake all night :)
As for the rest of my day, well to be honest I'd rather not say. There was a lot of crap and some nice bits but now none of it seems to matter. I had time out today. I took the girls to the woods and we had a walk around. Not quite as warm as it has been lately, but still nice enough. Sadly we found a dead badger which frightened Lucy, but it also made me realise that she doesn't understand death. She still thought it would bite her even though I'd told her it was dead and it was not moving at all.
I've just been reading Cassie's Live Journal, (yes she knows, she had to add me as a friend, but if there is anything she doesn't want me to see she only has to tick a box) Strange it may seem but it's a good way to communicate, you can be a lot more honest and open when writing things down. (Any blogger would know that) I do talk to Cassie, some days she's more open to talking than others but she knows she can talk to me anytime. Anyway, I digress, back to the LJ entry, she said some really nice things about me and made me see that she does appreciate all that I do for her. She did a little tribute to me as it was Mothers Day.
I know that Craige cares too, I've had 3 hugs today!!
To me Mothers Day is about showing your mother how much you care and you don't need to buy gifts or cards or flowers for that.
I think a lot of mum's feel under-appreciated anyway, it can be a pretty thankless job. So when a day comes along that is meant to celebrate mums, it's easy to get upset when you are not showered with nice things, or have things done for you. It's even harder to bear when you hear of other mums getting gifts, going out for a meal, having everything done for them while they put their feet up etc. But in reality it's just one day a year, tomorrow it won't matter.
So, tomorrow is another day. Another day I have to go on without my mum and another day I have to continue my thankless day as a hard working mother. But another day I have to enjoy the delights that my children bring into my life continuously.
So roll on tomorrow, it'll probably feel like a long time coming as my precious ones keep me awake all night :)
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
More Bad News
Heard from Dave (ex) that our nephew, Ian, has testicular cancer. He's already started a course of chemotherapy and has been told he will likely lose a testicle. He's only one of the family still living in this country, although he does have his daughter (who has just had a premature baby that is very sick). I haven't seen him since his mum's wedding a couple of years ago so I think I'll give him a call tomorrow.
I took Graham's dad to the drs yesterday. He's been getting lots of pain in his stomach. He's been alcoholic for many years and he's been hospitalised twice in the last year, he knows time is running out for him but he can't beat his addiction. Maybe this is his last chance. He told me in the car he was scared of dying. I think I'm scared of addiction and what it does to you.
And one more little bit of sunshine, Dave has to go back into hospital for another operation. That will be the third since he left here to go home at the end of Jan (he came for our son's 21st birthday). He had a burst ulcer which made a hole in his intestine. Cassie wants to go and stay with him for a while, unfortunately, I know what he's like when he's not well and I'm not sure it's such a good idea.
I've got Debbie and girls coming tomorrow so that should be fun :) Hey, something positive to say. I promise to be happy for the next couple of days. But don't expect me to be happy the weekend. I'm praying for it to be Monday already.
I took Graham's dad to the drs yesterday. He's been getting lots of pain in his stomach. He's been alcoholic for many years and he's been hospitalised twice in the last year, he knows time is running out for him but he can't beat his addiction. Maybe this is his last chance. He told me in the car he was scared of dying. I think I'm scared of addiction and what it does to you.
And one more little bit of sunshine, Dave has to go back into hospital for another operation. That will be the third since he left here to go home at the end of Jan (he came for our son's 21st birthday). He had a burst ulcer which made a hole in his intestine. Cassie wants to go and stay with him for a while, unfortunately, I know what he's like when he's not well and I'm not sure it's such a good idea.
I've got Debbie and girls coming tomorrow so that should be fun :) Hey, something positive to say. I promise to be happy for the next couple of days. But don't expect me to be happy the weekend. I'm praying for it to be Monday already.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Sunny Sunday
So sunny today that I dried a load of washing out on the line. At first I felt chuffed that I'd got through five loads of washing, but the excitement wore off as the ironing pile reached the level of Kilimanjaro.
The girls are still not well, sometimes they seem ok and other times they both look so poorly. Neither of them are sleeping well and I've reached that zombie remote control state again. This morning, sorry, this afternoon when Graham got up I said that I wanted a lie in next Sunday, you should have seen his face! He even demanded why? Why? Well, maybe because I don't remember the last time I had a lie in, I think I have had one in the last 3 years but I can't remember when it was. I haven't had a decent nights sleep in god knows how long, I'm like a zombie and don't know half the time what I'm doing, I'm also getting incredibly upset or angry or even both at the slightest thing. Did I tell him that? No, I said, it's mother's day and that's all I'm asking for.
The last couple of days I've been feeling sad over Sim. I know I didn't have much to do with him the last few years but I can't stop thinking of what he did, how he must have felt to do such a thing. I mean you really have to want to die to hang yourself don't you? It's not a cry for help. I saw a guy while we were out yesterday, I was waiting in the queue at Greggs. He was about the same age as Sim and looked a little bit like him, wore the same kind of clothing. It was all I could do not to cry, it was a long queue and I would have felt pretty stupid standing there blubbing. Then I was thinking of mum in the hospital pointing out that me and Sim were both wearing white shoes. I gave his shoes away, they were expensive Nike trainers and he'd only just bought them. I gave them away. I don't know why that upsets me now, I'm sure the new owner is very pleased with them.
Just to make sure that life doesn't run smoothly the next episode is going to be the health of Graham's dad. He's an alcoholic and despite being hospitalised three times in the last year and knowing that if he doesn't stop drinking he will die, he's still drinking and it looks like he's not going to stop. In fact if I'm truly honest, it looks like it's too late already. It's hurting Graham so much and it's going to hit him so hard if his dad dies. So once again it's dark times ahead.
The girls are still not well, sometimes they seem ok and other times they both look so poorly. Neither of them are sleeping well and I've reached that zombie remote control state again. This morning, sorry, this afternoon when Graham got up I said that I wanted a lie in next Sunday, you should have seen his face! He even demanded why? Why? Well, maybe because I don't remember the last time I had a lie in, I think I have had one in the last 3 years but I can't remember when it was. I haven't had a decent nights sleep in god knows how long, I'm like a zombie and don't know half the time what I'm doing, I'm also getting incredibly upset or angry or even both at the slightest thing. Did I tell him that? No, I said, it's mother's day and that's all I'm asking for.
The last couple of days I've been feeling sad over Sim. I know I didn't have much to do with him the last few years but I can't stop thinking of what he did, how he must have felt to do such a thing. I mean you really have to want to die to hang yourself don't you? It's not a cry for help. I saw a guy while we were out yesterday, I was waiting in the queue at Greggs. He was about the same age as Sim and looked a little bit like him, wore the same kind of clothing. It was all I could do not to cry, it was a long queue and I would have felt pretty stupid standing there blubbing. Then I was thinking of mum in the hospital pointing out that me and Sim were both wearing white shoes. I gave his shoes away, they were expensive Nike trainers and he'd only just bought them. I gave them away. I don't know why that upsets me now, I'm sure the new owner is very pleased with them.
Just to make sure that life doesn't run smoothly the next episode is going to be the health of Graham's dad. He's an alcoholic and despite being hospitalised three times in the last year and knowing that if he doesn't stop drinking he will die, he's still drinking and it looks like he's not going to stop. In fact if I'm truly honest, it looks like it's too late already. It's hurting Graham so much and it's going to hit him so hard if his dad dies. So once again it's dark times ahead.
Friday, 13 March 2009
Thought I'd make a post
...because I haven't all week.
The girls have been poorly, just colds but it means less sleep for me (if that is possible) and lucy hasn't been to nursery. Although I took her in today. I also took Leila to playgroup which she loves. So hopefully, with the lack of sleep last night, the fresh air and busy days today, they will sleep like babies tonight. Fingers crossed, touch wood etc etc.
Some days I feel my depression is lifting, but I still have times when I'm just overcome with sadness. The other day I thought of mum and it didn't hurt so bad, maybe I am starting to heal. I'm trying to keep busy with writing articles for a website.
The girls have been poorly, just colds but it means less sleep for me (if that is possible) and lucy hasn't been to nursery. Although I took her in today. I also took Leila to playgroup which she loves. So hopefully, with the lack of sleep last night, the fresh air and busy days today, they will sleep like babies tonight. Fingers crossed, touch wood etc etc.
Some days I feel my depression is lifting, but I still have times when I'm just overcome with sadness. The other day I thought of mum and it didn't hurt so bad, maybe I am starting to heal. I'm trying to keep busy with writing articles for a website.
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