Blue Skies

For the first time in ages I can actually feel the dark cloud lifting. Today I have had many positive thoughts, so different from the negative ones that I've been accomodating in my mind for so long. Finally, I can honestly say that I believe that life is for living.
I made a post back in February Can't See the Point Anymore and to be honest I've been feeling much the same ever since. Now, even though I feel I've been changed forever by my experiences I have begun to regain my positivity. Ok, we are only here for a short time, and yes that short time can be complete crap, but you have to make of it what you can. There is no time for regrets, if you want something badly enough then you have to go for it, if you don't then there is no point in complaining.
If I think about where I was 10 years ago I can see that some of my life is stagnant and there has been no improvement, but in other ways I have acheived loads. 10 years ago I would never have imagined having two more children and now I have my lovely little girls. It took me more than two years before I fell pregnant with Lucy, that was a stressful time and I really thought it just wasn't going to happen, but it did and I still remember the joy I felt when I found out. Then I had a bonus surprise when I got pregnant with Leila as I wasn't even trying at the time. I feel truly blessed and lucky to have all four of my children.
So today I have been thinking about the future, something I couldn't contemplate a couple of months ago (or even a couple of weeks ago). I believe small changes are the way to go, and that's what I'm going to do, change everything I'm not happy, but not all in one go, just one step at time. Each step will be an acheivement I can be proud of, each step something else to make life worth living again.