Oh Crap!

I thought I was turning a corner. I thought things were improving. The other day I even thought about mum without wanting to cry. Time was doing it's healing thing.
Then, knocked back by feeling poorly, yesterday I felt myself sinking again. Chatting with Graham he pointed out that he thought I needed help. No shit.
I do need to talk, but I don't know who too. I have friends, some close, some not so close as they are internet friends but I've known them for years and they've offered to listen. I have an abundance of telephone numbers to call but I don't know where to start, I don't know what to say. I have family, but because of the past it makes it difficult to talk to them. I can't talk to Graham because he just worries. And I don't want to talk to a stranger. So WHO do I talk to?

Then last night, just to tip the balance, hey Anne's feeling down lets give her another lapful of stress to deal with, I get a call of my brother.
Apparently he's been sent a letter demanding payment for a debt of mum's. I told him mum didn't have any debts. She had nothing at all on credit and her bills were paid by direct debit, apart from a couple which I paid for her when I picked up her pension. But then he said, 'well, everything was left to you so I'm not paying it!' AAARRRRRRGGGHHH Why do death's bring out the worst in people? Yes, everything was left to me, but not until said brother had been in and taken everything of any value. (ok I managed to get the pc and the car back!) BUT he had control over mum's bank account. He doesn't realise I know exactly how much was in that bank account, how much was spent on the funeral and how much was left over. And it was a goddam site more than I got for the sale of anything left in the house. I can still see mum in her hospital bed showing me her latest statement and telling me exactly what she wanted doing with the money. I told her then that it would be down to 'him' in the end and if she wanted anything else she'd have to write it down. I dont' know if she did, she went downhill incredibly fast after that. I really don't care about the money but it makes me sad it wasn't spent in the way she wanted.

Ok, back to the present. I called said 'debt collector' this morning on behalf of my brother and they immediately started apologising, the letter should not have been sent, the debt was non-existant. I KNEW that, but it didn't stop me worrying about it all night long.

And now it's drawn another rift between me and my brother. I love him, but he's an ass when it comes to anything money related.