Still Working

So, I'm no longer a PS3 widow, in fact I had to give the PS3 a good polish the other day as it is gathering dust! Now the passion is music. He's writing a song, and playing his guitar, and recording his song, over and over. He's made a new musician friend who is encouraging him and at the moment it's all he thinks about. But, it's better. Somehow I feel it's more productive than the games he used to play. At least he's doing something, he's chasing a dream. I'm still not getting anything done, but he's not doing my head in so much. 

Sometimes it feels like things are conspiring against us. A few weeks ago we lost another house to clerical error. I could let it get me down, but it's far too depressing to even think about. So I gloss it over, you know. Everything happens for a reason and another house will come along which will be bigger and better and more suited to our needs. That house we lost, well, the neighbours could have been awful!

In the meantime my current house falls around me, quite literally in fact. I need the bathroom doing desperately, but I don't have the money to pay anyone and although Gray has had a go, well, I don't think he knows what he's doing. Until we have prepared the bathroom the council won't repair the toilet wall which is quite literally falling down.

The bedroom situation won't improve until we get another bedroom, or two. I've given up, I really have. If I can get a few hours sleep a night then nothing else matters. 

I'm doing such a good job at fighting the demons this year. It may be because I'm so busy all the time I just can't let them in. But I do feel more and more positive. Today I've decided that I choose to be happy. I don't need a reason. I would like to make others around me feel happier too but that could prove more difficult.

I would give anything to make my girl happy, but I feel so hopeless. I give her all I can, I do all I can for her, but I know it will never be enough. I can't take away the past, I can't remove her hurt. I can't make her better and that breaks my heart. But I won't give up on her, that's not an option, not ever. So I'll put up with her bad moods and insults, I'll put up with her manic episodes and let her get on with it, and I'll be there for her when she drops, when her world collapses and she doesn't want to go on. I'll be there and I'll pray that things will be ok one day.