France

Well, Cassie is feeling brighter due to my having booked her a flight to the South of France to visit her dad. She goes next Friday for 10 days, it will be her first time travelling alone. I know she is a little scared but I think I am more so. I just hope her dad looks after her well, I'm sure he will but he doesn't understand his kids that well, probably due to him leaving before they hit pre-pubecy. I also bought her some new clothes for the trip. I just hope she can keep up her mood because I'd hate her to dip again now before she goes.

I'm still not the happiest of bunnies. I just keep regressing back to the crying myself to sleep stage and I wonder if it will ever get any better. I do have a lot on my mind lately that doesn't help.

Lucy is causing me some concern. Her behaviour is becoming more obviously 'different' and even her teacher at nursery has started picking up things. She has all the pointers to high functioning autism. I have always wondered but now I find myself at the stage where I'm keeping a log of things ready for when I approach our GP for a referral to a child psychologist. At least this time I know what to do and what to expect. With Craige I spent 4 years denying there was anything different about him. Maybe if I'd accepted it earlier and got him help at a point where he would be more receptive I might have made a difference.

And while I'm on the subject of Craige, he really did my head in yesterday. I had to take him for an appointment at the jobcentre, something he really hates doing but has to if he wants a place on the Aspire course. So his mood is bad to begin with, but when we get there I have to parallel park on an incline with another car parked opposite half on the pavement. So I had a spot of bother, 4 attempts and one engine stall. Craige really ripped into me criticising my driving. I couldn't say anything before the appointment as it probably would have ended up with him refusing to go in so I had to bite my tongue while he barraged me with insults. Then after the interview, and I mean immediately after, he started on me again, so I told him to walk home. He didn't listen but followed me back to the car still hurling insults. When we got home he repeated his insults to Graham and Cassie before going upstairs and I was left in peace. Ahhh the joys of motherhood.

(for those that need some clarification, Craige is my 21 yr old son with Aspergers Syndrome)