Trying to be in the 2%

When I went to the blog summit last month the day was ended with an inspirational speaker who talked about happiness and how most people go the wrong way about achieving it. He believes that happiness is a choice you make, it doesn't come from achieving goals or things that you want, but it's something that comes from inside of  you. Only 2 % of the population currently seem to achieve this, the rest are known as mood hoovers.
I am usually a mood hoover. I know I can't help it, I get really depressed at times and it's hard to fight it off. But when I'm not ill I try to be happy, I always thought that I was happiest when I had things to look forward to or when things were going right (not very often then!) but this year I've been finding a lot of happiness from within and it's helped to ward off the demons.

It's sometimes difficult but it really is a state of mind. I get up and choose to be happy and most days I can achieve that, and I don't let any mood hoovers get me down. And believe me, I have two huge mood hoovers in my life who it seems hell bent on bringing me down. So I don't bite on their vitriol and respond to them with kindness and understanding. Sometimes it diffuses things and we can continue happily. Sometimes it  aggravates them and they call me passive aggressive. I know I do have passive aggressive tendencies but sometimes I'm not being nice to make them angry, I'm doing it because I want them to be nice back. I guess you just can't win with some people.

I wish things could be different. I wish I could turn the clock back and find the happiness that they have lost but sadly it just doesn't seem possible. I've tried to pass on advice to help them achieve peace in themselves but it doesn't work. It doesn't matter what I do or say it just makes them angrier.

One thing I have stopped (almost completely) is fighting back. I'm not going to argue, they can be right if it makes them happy. I know in my heart what is true. Sometimes it gets me down a little too much and I break, but not very often.

I get told that I  take too much shit. I get told that I should put them in their place. But only I understand that fighting back just isn't working so what's the point. It's a happier world to live in when at least one person can be calm and happy despite what goes on around them.

I still dream of that little place in the middle of nowhere where I can hide with my little ones. Where I can escape and do the things I want to do without causing a fight (listen to music, let the kids make a noise/mess, sing, watch tv) it's such a lovely dream, but even if it were to come true I'd worry about those I'd left behind.