New Home

Last week I was feeling pretty low. It wasn't really post holiday blues because on the way home I received and invitation to go to another Center Parcs, and then on the evening I found out that I'd won a holiday to Blackpool! Plenty of treats for us this year then.

I guess the holiday followed immediately by our weekend in London and trip to Legoland did take it's toll. We were all very tired. Ok, absolutely knackered. And it affected some of us more than others resulting in someone's very bad and selfish mood which put a damper on things for me.

Then back home there was another incident which upset me, but has since been resolved and I shouldn't have been so hasty to judge.

So I was feeling low already before I decided to take a look and see if there were any homes available for us this week on the housing transfer website. I logged on and there in big red letters were the words, 'suspended from bidding' I was so upset. I tried calling, all day long, but the line was permanently engaged. I whipped off an e-mail and got an automated reply saying that my e-mail would be read within 28 days!!! I was bloody furious. I had a bit of a tantrum and announced (well, I say announced, I was the only person listening) that I was no longer wanting to move house, I'd given up and was going to stay here until I died.

The next morning I went to the cemetery to talk to mum. I had a lot to say and sometimes I feel she's the only person I can really talk to even though she's not here any more. I knew she would have said all the right things if she could.

On returning home I found an e-mail telling me to ring a number urgently and that it was to do with my  housing transfer. The person I urgently had to speak to was out of office. Bloody typical.

The next morning I got a phone call....offering me a brand new five bedroomed house.
I didn't really take it in at first, but the woman on the phone arranged to come and visit the same day.

The first thing I asked her was would I be fighting for this house along with others. On the bidding system six people are chosen to view then a final decision is made to who gets the house. She said no, I was the only person and if I accepted the house on viewing then it was mine.

The house has not been finished being built yet. I went to look at it and it had no windows, floors or doors, but the main structure was there and  I have the plans for the finished house. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am. I've been on Google Street map and 'walked' the area over and over, the routes to the schools, the shops, the church. I've studied the bus time tables and even checked to see if we will be able to keep our Virgin tv and broadband.

Deep down, I think my mum had something to do with this.

There is one problem hanging over it all right now, it's complicated to explain but I'll try briefly. We can't move unless our rent account is clear and currently it's showing an overpayment of housing benefit. This was news to me so I phoned the housing benefit and they said I didn't owe anything. I phoned the rent and they said I owed housing benefit, I told them that the housing benefit office said I didn't and they told me to call the housing benefit office and sort it out with them. So I called them back and they said there was nothing to sort out. I screamed, but not down the phone.

So I went to speak to someone in person but they couldn't work out what had happened but put an urgent request into head office to sort it. I was told it would be sorted in a few days but rang again and was told it could take 28 days. So I rang again (how many calls is that?) and demanded to speak to someone higher up so was put through to a manager. They have now put my query on Emergency which means a 48 hours response. I truly hope so because I have until next Friday to sort it out or I lose the house. I'm 100% sure that it is a mistake and have all the documentation to prove it, but if it isn't sorted then my only option to not lose my house is to pay £685 (which I haven't got) to pay a bill that I don't owe. I don't even know who I would pay it too.

There's always something. I'm trying to stay positive that it will be sorted.
please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Oh, and I still don't know why I'm suspended from bidding...not that I want any other house now.

Happy times in June

This is a post for my blessings jar.
Last week we had a wonderful week in Center Parcs. The place was absolutely beautiful, our lodge where we stayed was lovely and the views of the forest I woke up to every morning will stay with me always. The little ones had a great time, lots of fun and they didn't really play up that much. Well, apart from Joe who is currently taking his terrible twos in full swing *sigh*
The weather wasn't so good but to be honest we didn't really notice. Anyway, the trees are great shelter in the rain :)
The spa day was most definitely a blessing. I absolutely loved every moment. And after three hours of sauna's and spa pools I went for a relaxing massage and facial. It was good! (and even better knowing that I hadn't paid for any of it~)

We spent the holiday with some lovely friends. We had planned activities that we did together and chose to have a BBQ back at the lodge together the one evening. Otherwise we didn't feel obliged to spend every second together and it felt comfortable. Apart from the Spa my second favourite event was the BBQ, we got a little drunk and had fun. (of course someone had to have a little rant and spoil things a little but by then I just didn't care thanks to the Jager bombs)

Since coming home things have not been so good, but this holiday will forever be a blessing and a wonderful memory.

Trying to be in the 2%

When I went to the blog summit last month the day was ended with an inspirational speaker who talked about happiness and how most people go the wrong way about achieving it. He believes that happiness is a choice you make, it doesn't come from achieving goals or things that you want, but it's something that comes from inside of  you. Only 2 % of the population currently seem to achieve this, the rest are known as mood hoovers.
I am usually a mood hoover. I know I can't help it, I get really depressed at times and it's hard to fight it off. But when I'm not ill I try to be happy, I always thought that I was happiest when I had things to look forward to or when things were going right (not very often then!) but this year I've been finding a lot of happiness from within and it's helped to ward off the demons.

It's sometimes difficult but it really is a state of mind. I get up and choose to be happy and most days I can achieve that, and I don't let any mood hoovers get me down. And believe me, I have two huge mood hoovers in my life who it seems hell bent on bringing me down. So I don't bite on their vitriol and respond to them with kindness and understanding. Sometimes it diffuses things and we can continue happily. Sometimes it  aggravates them and they call me passive aggressive. I know I do have passive aggressive tendencies but sometimes I'm not being nice to make them angry, I'm doing it because I want them to be nice back. I guess you just can't win with some people.

I wish things could be different. I wish I could turn the clock back and find the happiness that they have lost but sadly it just doesn't seem possible. I've tried to pass on advice to help them achieve peace in themselves but it doesn't work. It doesn't matter what I do or say it just makes them angrier.

One thing I have stopped (almost completely) is fighting back. I'm not going to argue, they can be right if it makes them happy. I know in my heart what is true. Sometimes it gets me down a little too much and I break, but not very often.

I get told that I  take too much shit. I get told that I should put them in their place. But only I understand that fighting back just isn't working so what's the point. It's a happier world to live in when at least one person can be calm and happy despite what goes on around them.

I still dream of that little place in the middle of nowhere where I can hide with my little ones. Where I can escape and do the things I want to do without causing a fight (listen to music, let the kids make a noise/mess, sing, watch tv) it's such a lovely dream, but even if it were to come true I'd worry about those I'd left behind.