The Grave

I've not spoken about the grave for a while now, but I still visit regularly. I go off to visit my family down the cemetary, at least they are all in the same place. It would be nice to think they are together.

Anyway, I took some flowers down for mum and as usual the grave was full of 'pretend' flowers. I don't really like them but have to admit they do look nice, and the grave looks well cared for. Originally I thought my aunt only wanted to put fake flowers on so she didn't have to visit so often, but it's obvious that she visits all the time, the flowers are regularly replaced and never look tired or worn. And they do stay looking nicer for longer than fresh flowers even though they don't smell so good. I like to take my real flowers for the pot on the headstone, I know they will be wilted within a few days but it's my way.

So, I figured I needed a good old chat with my mum. I do this often, although the chats are one-sided it always helps. But this time it didn't. It suddenly hit me that mum isn't here anymore. I can talk to her all I like but I will never know if she can hear or not, and I never get a reply. I needed advice but mum was gone and couldn't help me. I needed a hug but she just wasn't there. I can full well imagine exactly what she would say but it's not the same.

Suddenly I felt very very alone.

Things have changed a lot since that day, but I'll stop for now and write more soon.