And Another Year Bites the Dust

Yes, it's that time of year again, It's my birthday and I'm feeling old!
The day started with me realising that my partner hadn't come to bed all night. Nothing new, I can't remember the last time he did, but then he does work nights (although, not last night) So I get up with the kids and he doesn't even wish me happy birthday. I'm thinking surely he hasn't forgot, where is the, ohh sorry I didn't have any money to get you anything, or the, I was planning on getting you something later? Nope, nothing, not a word. Then he has one of the girls on his lap and excitedly says to her, do you know what is happening today? I have a flicker of hope, he hasn't forgotten after all, but no, he continues 'Daddy is having another driving lesson'
So I decided to open my cards and presents (not everyone forgets) and he says surprised, what are you doing? Oh shit, is it your birthday today? I don't bother answering.
He crawls off to bed leaving the kitchen looking like a tip after his late night food fests.
I'm not bothered that he didn't buy me anything, but to actually genuinely forget? Wow, he really thinks a lot of me doesn't he?
So, after taking the girls to school I decided to take Joseph down the cemetery to visit mum. Four years ago on my birthday is when she started feeling ill, she was admitted to hospital on the 28th and died on Christmas day. It's still a really difficult time for me as I relive it all every year. If you are new to my blog you can go back that far to read, I found it a great help writing things down here.
First shock was they had chopped down the big tree that had been overhanging the grave since my dad was buried 37 years ago. It looked so different. They had also renewed all the paths which was nice, previously they were a nightmare with the push chair. I bought lots of flowers and it looked so nice when I left.

I've not been able to take a photo from this angle before because of the tree!

After visiting mum and the rest of my family I took Joseph for a walk around the shops. I took some money from our savings and intended on buying myself a treat, but didn't really spend much.

I got home, with a bag of chips (it's my birthday, it's allowed) just in time for my delivery from Asda.

Oh the excitement never ends :-)

then it was off to the GPs with my eldest daughter. Since her last visit to the pyscho (sic) she stopped her drugs instantly. I told her it was wrong, but she insisted that it was what she'd been told. So the last week has been a nightmare and the weekend a dreadful nightmare. I phoned the NHS helpline on Saturday because I was worried and they told me to take her to hospital, but we really don't want to go down that route. She would most likely to be sectioned, and she's just too young to have that hanging over her. If I thought she was in danger then I'd do it myself, but it's really a last resort. I tried phoning several places for help, but they just wanted her to call, which she wouldn't do. Today I made an appointment at the GPs the third since last Monday. I didn't think she would go, but she had a really bad turn shortly before the appointment and I think she'd had enough. Anyway, she's back on her drugs now, quite obviously she was suffering withdrawal symptoms. She's also managed to speak to her pyscho and had her next appointment brought forward. So things are looking a little positive now, and right as I type, she is sleeping! She hasn't slept more than an hour for days! (Or eaten)

So that was my day...but there are highlights. Both my older children have spoilt me this birthday. My daughter bought me heaps of stuff when we went to the cake show a couple of weeks ago and my son came back from class with a bag full of chocolate goodies for me. 

I also had lovely cards and presents from my brother and sister-in-law and my partners mum.

So that's it then, all over for another year! 

Happy Birthday to Me

My Friend

I met this guy about 18 months ago. At first I'll admit that I fancied him, but just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean that anything is going to happen. We both had partners and children and I just don't go there, it would have to be a lot more than finding someone attractive to interfere in other's relationships or risk my own. Anyway, that doesn't really matter anymore because now we are friends. I see him almost every day, not for long but we always chat for a while. I've suspected for a while that he might have social issues and from the information I have gathered over the past 18 months I would say that I'm convinced he has Asperger's Syndrome. He doesn't know this though and I wouldn't say anything. His partner is young, naive, and has issues of her own. I guess they make the perfect couple but that doesn't mean it always goes smoothly. I don't know from him if things are tough, but she comes to me for advice sometimes.

Every day when we see each other I get 'talked at' he just rabbits away about what he wants to talk about and I can get away with the odd nod or yes or even mumble, none of it is of huge interest to me and I don't believe he's looking for interaction, he's just speaking what's on his mind. It can be annoying at times but I'm used to it. My son, 25, has been 'talking at' me for a hell of a lot longer, I'm an expert at dealing with it.
Sometimes though, usually if I'm in the right mood, I can get him to talk to me instead, yes, real actual conversations. I enjoy these conversations, but don't initiate them all the time (and I do have to initiate them ninty percent of the time)

This last week I've learnt more about him that I have done in the last eighteen months I've known him. My partner has been away most of the week and I've barely seen him, so maybe I've been a little lonely and initiated more conversations. He has initiated more conversations too, completely out of the blue he's told me things about his life, his family, his past, things he's never told me about before. It got me thinking about how long it takes some people to open up. Some will blurt out their entire life story on a whim, but others are much more reserved and don't reveal much until they are confident with the other person. I haven't told him very much about me. When I split with my partner last year I didn't tell him anything that had happened, even though he knew the other woman involved.

He has personal space issues, I've noticed that he avoids touching people and keeps everyone at arms reach. A couple of times we have been squashed closer when in a small place and someone is coming in the opposite direction (usually the walk to the school playground) and it just feels uncomfortable. Then there was a time when we were talking about his lack of shaving and he had quite a  beard. He was telling me how rough his beard was and I asked if I could touch it, he let me but flinched as I did so. But there was another time when he was showing me his missing knuckle on his hand and offered me his hand to touch it, but I couldn't. (I know it sounds freaky, but I did want to see what it felt like I just didn't want to touch it) You see, I have personal space issues too and we repel each other like the wrong end of magnets.

He has no problem with eye contact though, and he has a lovely smile for me every time we meet. Sadly, I do have trouble with eye contact and have to really try hard to respond, which is sad because that's something about him I really like.

This week we were talking about the possibility of my moving away from the area. We are trying to get a move to a bigger house. I think we both realised that we would miss each other and our quirky little friendship.

The Smile (april 2011)