I met this guy about 18 months ago. At first I'll admit that I fancied him, but just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean that anything is going to happen. We both had partners and children and I just don't go there, it would have to be a lot more than finding someone attractive to interfere in other's relationships or risk my own. Anyway, that doesn't really matter anymore because now we are friends. I see him almost every day, not for long but we always chat for a while. I've suspected for a while that he might have social issues and from the information I have gathered over the past 18 months I would say that I'm convinced he has Asperger's Syndrome. He doesn't know this though and I wouldn't say anything. His partner is young, naive, and has issues of her own. I guess they make the perfect couple but that doesn't mean it always goes smoothly. I don't know from him if things are tough, but she comes to me for advice sometimes.
Every day when we see each other I get 'talked at' he just rabbits away about what he wants to talk about and I can get away with the odd nod or yes or even mumble, none of it is of huge interest to me and I don't believe he's looking for interaction, he's just speaking what's on his mind. It can be annoying at times but I'm used to it. My son, 25, has been 'talking at' me for a hell of a lot longer, I'm an expert at dealing with it.
Sometimes though, usually if I'm in the right mood, I can get him to talk to me instead, yes, real actual conversations. I enjoy these conversations, but don't initiate them all the time (and I do have to initiate them ninty percent of the time)
This last week I've learnt more about him that I have done in the last eighteen months I've known him. My partner has been away most of the week and I've barely seen him, so maybe I've been a little lonely and initiated more conversations. He has initiated more conversations too, completely out of the blue he's told me things about his life, his family, his past, things he's never told me about before. It got me thinking about how long it takes some people to open up. Some will blurt out their entire life story on a whim, but others are much more reserved and don't reveal much until they are confident with the other person. I haven't told him very much about me. When I split with my partner last year I didn't tell him anything that had happened, even though he knew the other woman involved.
He has personal space issues, I've noticed that he avoids touching people and keeps everyone at arms reach. A couple of times we have been squashed closer when in a small place and someone is coming in the opposite direction (usually the walk to the school playground) and it just feels uncomfortable. Then there was a time when we were talking about his lack of shaving and he had quite a beard. He was telling me how rough his beard was and I asked if I could touch it, he let me but flinched as I did so. But there was another time when he was showing me his missing knuckle on his hand and offered me his hand to touch it, but I couldn't. (I know it sounds freaky, but I did want to see what it felt like I just didn't want to touch it) You see, I have personal space issues too and we repel each other like the wrong end of magnets.
He has no problem with eye contact though, and he has a lovely smile for me every time we meet. Sadly, I do have trouble with eye contact and have to really try hard to respond, which is sad because that's something about him I really like.
This week we were talking about the possibility of my moving away from the area. We are trying to get a move to a bigger house. I think we both realised that we would miss each other and our quirky little friendship.
The Smile (april 2011)
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