Mothers Day

yep I'm late :-)
I don't really like Mother's Day. It makes me feel sad because I no longer have a mother, but it goes back longer because I have also spent five years in the past estranged from my mum. Those were awful times, I missed her so much but felt so let down and deserted by her. Every Mother's Day I would browse the cards in the shops and the sentiments inside them made me feel empty and lost. Then in 2005 I picked up a card with no long poetry or soppy sentiment, it just plainly stated have a lovely day. In it I wrote, 'I miss you mum' and I gave it to my auntie (because I had no idea where my mum was living) Two weeks later I had a letter from mum and then we shared a phone call, and eventually, just a few days before my daughter was born I met up with her at a summer fete.
I'm glad I had those few years making up with mum. Of course losing her was twice as hard, but I think it would have been difficult in a different way if we hadn't made up, and not something I'd like to dwell on. So this year mum got her usual bunch of flowers and we had a chat by her grave side.

As for me, mum of five...well, it feels kind of mean to say it but my family let me know on a daily basis what they think of me so why should I expect anything different on Mother's day? At least the girls made me cards at school. On Mother's day they were oblivious, which I don't mind, they are so young. I suppose when I hear friends speak of their children the same ages having a go at making them breakfast, or choosing flowers with their daddies it stings a little, but not much. The eldest found the day difficult. I think he wanted to get me something but hadn't organised himself enough to do so. He was very out of sorts all day and I got lots of hugs. The eldest daughter said nothing, did nothing. So what! I'm used to it.

I guess the most hurt came from G. I woke him before going to church and he said he was going to get up and do all the housework. Nice thought. I'd been up four hours already, done housework, put washing on, prepared dinner and finished the icing on his mum's cake I had made. We got back from church after a little shopping at 12.30pm. He was still in bed. He got up and went around his mum's by 1pm. He didn't come back until 3pm. I was livid, but said nothing. What's the point? Then he told me how a neighbour had collapsed and he'd called an ambulance and she was so ill he didn't think she was going to make it. I made all the right noises but struggled inside because I couldn't believe him, I just felt it was another of his 'stories' to excuse him being gone so long. All day I felt truly terrible for our neighbour and guilty for thinking that I didn't believe him, not a good feeling, very mixed up I guess you could say. Anyway, the rest of the day passed, just one little outburst from eldest which I was waiting for because I could tell he was worked up.

Today, I saw seriously ill neighbour at the shops. She was fine. Yes she'd had a scare but it turned out to be nothing serious. From our conversation I gathered she'd not see G on Sunday, but I'm not 100% because I didn't ask her outright.

Just another day in my life.